WHEN THE KNOT IS NOT

“I do....until death do us part.” These are the sweetest words which we always hear during the ceremony of marriage.

             When man and woman exchange the "I do’s” to one another they are binding the knot of marriage. The covenant that seal the commitment of one another. One cannot say: “I do” if he or she doesn’t have a love to the recipient of his love. Love is always the medium of instruction why man and woman submerged into one during the Sacrament of Matrimony. A man cannot marry a girl without loving her and on the other hand she only marries a person if she has been committed and proven her love to the man of her life.

           Marriage and love cannot be separated. They are greatly intertwined with one another. Marriage is dissolved when love emerged from its existence from both parties. Man and woman are enamored when they shared with one another the grace expressed on the Sacrament of Marriage. Thus, marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the poles; are, in fact, dependent.

              No doubt some marriages have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can completely outgrow a convention. There are to-day large numbers of men and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it for the sake of public opinion and for the sake of publicity. It is very rare to have a couple who runs for their life and subdue the fruits of marriage and even death cannot separate the bond. At any rate, while it is true that some marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so regardless of marriage, and not because of it.

               On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage. Thus, it remains inside the cabinet that love could be taught. True love is proven after marriage. But it is always good and moral that prior to getting married love dwells and its existence proves no boundaries and limits. Man and woman become one because love eliminates alienation. There are rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be founded that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the “growing-used-to-each-other” is far away from the spontaneity, the intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage must prove degrading to both the woman and the man. And such time comes everything is annihilated and alienation is said to be ruled over within the framework of the marriage life. Thus, marriage knot which once knotted tightly is said to be loosened in order to have a better view on the panoramic view of marriage life, on the other hand one asks for a divorce and or annulment.

                Divorce and annulment has its own different view. On the onset of the Christian teaching, marriage is held to be a sacrament, which vested by the church thru Jesus Christ , nevertheless, so there could be no divorce in the sense of a dissolution of marriage. I may say divorce is a merely separation from bed and board, and even this limited provision was possible only through the sentence of an ecclesiastical court. Nullification was possible for any cause which could be proven to have existed before the marriage, which in turn interfered with that marriage's validity as defined by Canon law. The Christian teaching regarded marriage as a lifelong and sacred union that could only be dissolved by the death of one of the spouses. This view of marriage conceived of husband and wife as made "one flesh" by the act of God; thus marriage was changed from a terminable civil contract under the old Roman law to a sacrament, a humanly indivisible union of souls and bodies. Nevertheless, there is no divorce in the Roman Catholic Church.

                On the other hand, annulment is not the ecclesial equivalent of a divorce, rather it is a declaration of nullity, nevertheless not a dissolution of an existing marriage, but rather a determination that a marriage was never existed.

The Otherness of the Other

The question of the appropriate relation of the society to homosexuals and homosexuality has emerged as one of the major importance in the deliberations of denominational bodies. The ensuing debate too often takes the form of a contest between defenders of traditional morality on the one hand and apologists for homosexual life style on the other. What is too often lacking in this conservative-liberal confrontation is attention to pertinent theological reflection. In what follows my aim is not so much to provide as to provoke that kind of reflection.

From the outset I should indicate how I became interested in this subject and what my biases are. I have, over the past several years had a number of friends and associates who were quite self-consciously homosexual. Many of these have been related in significant ways to the church. Some are committed laymen and laywomen, some are active clergy, some are seminary students. Some of these friends are extraordinarily talented and powerful people. Others are haunted by self-doubt and self-loathing. All of them share a concern to understand themselves in the light of Christian faith. I know how difficult this is when the church, through its official pronouncements and its unofficial atmosphere, reinforces in them the impression that they are neither understood nor wanted, neither loved nor even to be “tolerated”. One of my biases is to want to defend these folk against the church. But I also have another biases namely, that heterosexuality is a fundamentally superior form of sexuality to homosexuality.

In the meantime the issue of homosexuals in the church has come to the fore in unexpected ways. I believe that the debate has both raised and obscured important issues, but it has seemed important to me that theologians address themselves to these issues in such a way as to help clarify them and to serve the church as it struggles to determine the appropriate stance.

I have remembered one of our lessons during my Masteral stints way back 2004, during my theology class on God’s grace vis-à-vis God’s judgment , the Christian faith we have to do with the gracious God whose one and supreme intention is to justify, save and redeem humanity not on the basis of a discrimination between better and worse persons but solely on the basis of God’s own gracious election. Followed through with consistency, this principle maintains that no human act or condition can of itself constitute an insuperable obstacle to God’s grace.
Thus, anybody attains his salvation through God’s grace accompanied by man’s participation through good works. With respect to the understanding of homosexuality, therefore, neither homosexual condition nor homosexual inclination nor specifically homosexual acts may be interpreted as excluding one from the domain of God’s gracious intention.

Is homosexual inclination an obstacle to be overcome -- a training ground for the will in the discipline of renunciation which prepares one for some further obedience? Placing homosexuality in this context calls into question behavioral modification schemes for remedying an unruly homosexual inclination. Vocation entails obedient freedom, not conditioned response.

Should a homosexual inclination be placed in an order similar to that of marriage? Here homosexuals may ask themselves whether their homosexuality is to be placed in the service of God through the establishment of a committed and enduring relationship. Such a relationship may then be understood as a witness in a world of broken and impersonal relationships to the God-given possibility of and provocation toward fidelity and trust among persons.

If we are persuaded that there may be a third category of sexual vocation, then the homosexual may further ask: How is my homosexuality to be acted out in such a way as to contribute to God’s purposes for me and my fellow human beings? What are the features of a homosexual pattern of relationships which point toward or bring to expression the lordship of Christ? Responses to such a question are possible only on the part of persons who understand themselves as claimed by Christ in their homosexuality.

The kinds of responses which are made to this question on the part of Christian homosexuals will have great importance for all of us. For these responses may help to illuminate also the situation of heterosexuals for whom neither marriage nor celibacy, as traditional categories of sexual vocation, function to clarify their situation of concrete obedience to Christ.

An Endless Point

Until you have vanished from my sight

and found yourself in the crowd

i keep on waving my hand

to be seen from the distance

but seems you don't ever notice it

and still wonder from afar

somebody handed you some comfort
for an exchange of our friendship

Thus, gives you a change to doubt.

while am giving you some reasons

to know how much I love you.

I thought you had enough

but everything is just seem right
 and planned to leave me aside

leaving you there with the comfort of life

while i am learning to let go and set you aside

for this heart of mine teaches me how to fly

there i learned to put an end

of this journey finding you that never end.

Smokey Mountain Memories

                I was heading to the southern part of my province where I need to fulfill and materialize my assignment being a young volunteer to a shanty village where all the families trying to fight for their existence and to continue their living thru a small parcel of land where heaps of garbages cascading everywhere.

               I was told to do the assignments before I was opted to have my family emersion. Where I should go south, more particularly to the damping site of Cebu City which air is filled with golden dust and the defusing smell of dirth from the city. At first I was very hesitant to accept the task, because I am not really that physically and spiritually“prepared” but as what my mentor said that the only thing which I can do for the good of myself is to say “yes”. There I heed on. That moment, I was thinking that the fortune falls on earth and the God of heaven wanted to kiss the earth where hungry people came to feed their stomach. And giving like snowflakes coming from heaven and people scattered and started picking these up. It was not a happy decision at all. I was forced to do it because I need to obey what he has said.


            I stayed with them for a month and there I was trying to live out and enjoy for quite some time the credits, which I believe that I will get it back. So I headed on this so called “promised” land with high hopes and aspirations that someday I could lead the way and inspire the people not to give up and not to be discouraged what ever life leads on

            I stayed with the family of 6 and like the rest of the families, the parents were working on the smokey mountain. They depended solely to the heaps of garbage inside the reclaimed lot of the government and to make my stay there more valuable I helped them on their daily routine.
         
              I accompanied them early in the morning going to the dumping site, doing the same job- carrying sack full of scraps, scavenging and sometimes, because of hunger we ate some left-over food from that garbage also and after this daily routine, we have had a good conversation and sharing regarding the Bible and also catechism classes to the children. The tasks were quite challenging because, like other people who were living and enjoying the city lights, these  people have also their ideals, and it was my task how to fit on it. I admitted that these smokey mountain farm folks with nothing more than high hopes that someday they will be out of this garbage pile - that was a dream which they have to work out in order to materialize.

               We hitched our scrap wagon on the way for an exchange of a star and sometimes these people’s dreams fell apart because there was no promise at all that they could still enjoy their lives through a good fortune. Like a windmill that continuously goes forth without end. Their living is somehow very discouraging and it was good to give up, yet one thing that they kept tight holding on is their unceasing struggle to keep sight of who they really are, whose dreams fell apart from this cruel life. This value aspires me and moved me to be thankful of what I have and be inspired to continue doing what is good.

                I wonder how the old folks thought and felt when they were on their way back home but I knew that they all loved the ones whom they relied on- their children, friends and the garbage itself, which nothing more than I thought which I was thinking the whole lot lately. It takes all they've got to give what life demands even they their precious lives. How strong were their love to those whom they cared much, they even took risks and ready to die just to have a parcel of food to be served for a dinner on their table.

               These memories taught me on how to become more human and how I fight for survival. The world is not only composed of elite individuals but also these people who are trying to enjoy the things which life could give. Seeing and living with them was somehow a great experience that I have ever encountered - this taught me to be more compassionate and that life has a real purpose that which I should fulfill. It is so easy to say and to describe what life intakes, but when time comes that I have to give up and let go of the things which I loved most, I felt strong pain indeed because I can't even let go a small pain inside, and how much more if the situation requires a valid reason that points me to give up the things which I loved most?

The memories which I have gained with the people inside the dumping site of Inayawan - Cebu City would be worth celebrating. These gave me reasons why I need to turn back and to retrace my life. Now, I understand even a glimpse of what is on the other side of the coin, which pushes me to go on living. It is quite a mystery but I think he knows the reason why i made the decision - and this leads me to be happy and fulfilled person.

WALIS TAMBO

As we are on our way as pilgrims of friendship towards the joyful celebration of life, we constantly enlighten the course of our existence and revive in our hearts the love and the gratitude towards the people whom we cared so much and to Christ who offered himself for his love to us.

We are called in order to love and loving without reserve and expecting any return – this is a mystery, a mystery of life which worth celebrating. Loving is always effectively connected with our life, with our destiny and with our relationship to one another. We cannot decapitate love away with our friends’ lives. Love, therefore, finds its foundation in this great announcement: the greatest expression of love is to die for the sake of our friends. Our participation of this calling makes us somehow more invulnerable and more enamoured with one another.


The mystery of friendship is enamoured with our true love to the person whom we cared much and to one another. This is the mystery of having – a true communion. I am called to love, and this makes me whole: what is being made in me is shared to you and if I give the assent and the response of this love, the destiny of my friend will become my own. Too deep too understand, there are no minds that could fathom this relationship but one could only understand when it is expressed in deeds through living with him.


We are immersed into this mystery of love and there is always a need of a journey, of an exodus for the passage from our selves, forgetting who we are and forgetting what we want, thus, sometimes we need to forget what we love most and what we really want most in life, from exile to our own home, from death to a new life. This constitutes our daily journey towards loving and renewal in order to obtain the everlasting joy with one another.

The penitential journey of loving is surely reviving in the depth of our heart - this truth of calling to the full conformation to what is a true love which is set by Christ. This calling to love one another is a mission that induces us at the same time seriously reflects on the personal life and consequently on the society of our time that abandons the main way of loving.

As far as the personal situation we are concerned and we are called to verify if we are faithful to those we loved. And aside from this realm of our existence we may ask ourselves “Am I living the true essence of friendship, which perfectly embraces the life of sacrifices? Am I of help or a hindrance to the one I love? Is my daily journey refuse or improve the ascent towards my friend’s happiness and contentment?


Considering in our cultural and social context in which we renounce all kinds of sacrifice, pursues the way of the profit without considering if it is honest and just. Man as we are, is always incline to obsessive quest for the “easier” and the “more comfortable” and supports more our instincts than the precepts of the reason and the ethics and thus at any rate attempts to put down our own burden and forgetting and leaving behind our friends if we already gotten what we want and what we need.

The anchor of our life is to remain faithful to what we believe that is true and believe our selves and remain true to ourselves and hang on to our ideals. We cannot leave behind a person who needed much attention and our care. From whatever perspective, we may put ourselves the centrality of the Love to our friends, which always emerges in all its force: of giving what we have in our pocket even a single coin for him to live and to continue enjoying in this what we called life.

This is what we want and what we wish for, which each person may become an authentic expression of the everlasting novelty of the true meaning of friendship.

I have Written the Name Jenno

As we go along this odyssey of life, we will meet along different people in different strata of society within a given place in a specific continuum of time. Man as we are, we loved adventure, we love taking risks even life is at stake, we love to make friends to those who we knew and even to the strangers. This is life all about. There are a lot in store, which need to purchase and there is so much to give and to celebrate. As what Forrest Gump stated “Life is like a box of chocolates which you never knew what you gonna get”. Each of us meets anybody who will say that they are our friends, but we will make only few friends there the challenge lies. People will ask your hand and try to win your heart and offer a good menu of companionship and friendship, but when great storm arrives on time at your door they will leave you behind under the rain and strong wind soaked with your own tears. And there you will remain at the corner regretted the things which you have done to them. Only true friend remain standing in front of you and offer you a coat and that is your Best Friend.

I have chosen lots of friends but there is only one person who I can consider as my special friend. What makes him special? He is special to me because he is the one who really cares and ready to stand on me especially on the toughest moments of my life. And no matter what happens his companionship cannot be taken out nor decapitated from my life itself. When the day ends, we are still friends, who have each other no matter. Giving what we have in our pocket and trying to be with one another is a good command of loving and expressing the true friendship which is expressed also by Christ that those who are ready to love they must ready to give up their lives for the sake of their friends until death. But where is he now?

Personally, we desire to have a special friend. It is what makes us reach out and comes out from our shell and take chance of being hurt. Figuring it out is not an easy task, because though basically man is good by nature but he also clings to what is evil and because of this, friendly relationship will be clouded with selfish desire and for personal consumption, thus wind came across and carries it along with the sand which you will not see it nor cherish it anymore.

I have met a good person indeed during my stay in my hometown - Cebu. I consider him as a true friend. We stayed together, strolling around and being with one another especially when we need most our presence- he is there for me when I needed him. To have him is a remarkable experience indeed. Finding someone that shares similar interests, who cares about who you are and what you are doing. And he was there for me even in the saddest time came along my way. But I cannot avoid deciphering what I have seen and thought on what will become if things go wrong. Though I was thankful of his presence and through this observation also, our intention per se became strained and purified. I don’t know what was in his mind neither he. But we trusted each other – there were things which he needed to preserve only for himself though I am very much open to him but I have to respect that limitation. And we came along the way with freedom and true friendship... until now. Our communication was broken when i decided to leave my country, i never had the time to ask him if he wanted me to go nor see him prior to my departure. But good to say that we able to find ways in order to be reconnected.

True friendship comes along so rarely, and I am thankful to have met him and knew him once. Without our friendship, we both lost our way. Whatever happens, I always keep him close to my heart. Telling him how much he meant to me. I will not allow him to slip away. The bonds we make during these days will serve to keep us going in the months and years ahead. And we knew that our relationship is not implicitly written on the sand, but we both know and understand what we meant.

Notes on Holy Ramadan

Ramadan is an Islamic month of fasting in which participating Muslims refrain from eating, drinking, smoking, and indulging in anything that is in excess or ill-natured; from before the sun rises until the sun sets. Fasting is meant to teach the Moslem the value of patience, modesty and spirituality. It is somehow considered as the holiest month of the year according to Islamic religion, without a doubt described by many Moslems as the hardest month of the year and everybody is obliged to fast for thirty rigorous days for Allah (God). It is meant to teach the Moslem faithful on the value of patience, modesty and spirituality.

Considering fasting on the spiritual aspect we can somehow redefine fasting as an act of abstaining from eating and feeding the body in order to focus more on fully seeking God’s love and trust, in other words the compassion of God is there. As Jesus Christ fasted 30 days and 30 nights in the wilderness before He was thrown into His fate – to be a sole sacrifice for the remission of sins; Gandhi fasted also before he went to the public and teach peace not violence as a mean to arrive for an end of attaining a peaceful community throughout his mother land. We fast because we need to humble ourselves before God, letting Him know that we are willing to exchange physical comforts with spiritual contentment.

I asked one of my co-employees who is a faithful to his religion (Islam) and living like a “king” on his household about the idea on the Holy Ramadan. In furtherance, he claimed that throughout the season, he was reminded that he is not the only person living on this planet. There are also people aside from his family who is living in a dire poverty and who are suffering from hunger, from injustices and from thirst of love. And through this Ramadan he able to express his self to them and to put his feet on their own shoes. It is good to note that Ramadan is a way of remembering how God became more intimate to His people and how God became more personal that which our hearts became enamored to His untiring and ending Love.

We abstain and do fasting and praying because it is necessary and it is the law itself. We are not allowed to eat; we abstain from everything because of our faith to Allah or to God. But what if, if a friend of ours asked food because he is dying of hunger or a sick friend asked for a glass of cold water because he is dying of thirst. Are we going to say “NO” because we are still under the observance of Ramadan? Is giving food or water during the observance of Ramadan is considered as a sinful activity that which if one is caught he is to be punished by the authority vested by the people from God? Are we despising God because we violated the law of Ramadan by giving and helping a friend from sickness and hunger?

Ramadan teaches us to become prayerful and through fasting, we somehow make our prayer more meaningful to the ears of Allah. We pray because we believe that God is up there. We do fast because it helps us alleviating the burden of being away from God and making ourselves closer to Him. Thus, Ramadan is made for man and man is not made for this season. The challenge lies not on how every Moslem performs and observes the season of Ramadan but it lies on how they continue their lives as a holy person. There is only one law that God gave to man, which is to love our friends as we love God with all our hearts through words and actions. If we observe Ramadan according to what God wants we will go beyond the mere understanding of the observance of the law. It is our duty to observe this Holy Season but it is our obligation to continue what is being set by God – which is to love our friends even till death.

I Work, Work I

The moment we were thrown into the world we are now part of the world and this world where we dwell will be our own home and our own identity, and thus we and the world will become one.

The kind of community where man lived reflects on what kind of person he is. He has to try his best building a good “community” within him, so that he can contribute what he has in his pocket. He has to be with others and creates some connections in order to formulate a good equation between himself and the community where he lived.

Building and connecting with people is not an easy task. When man tries to establish a ‘relationship’ towards his fellows, he has to learn how to give up and to accept others regardless of everything. Thus, man has to be open of himself so that others may enter into him.

God created man on His own likeness and image and God is good, thus man must act according to his own nature – which is to do good. Sometimes, because of imperfections and discrepancies man committed sin, but there is a freedom to change and to reshape his nature – by considering and accepting his weaknesses and trying his best in order to hit the ‘mark’- which is goodness. This imperfections pushed man to work out, to collect the broken pieces and make it whole again. Thus, man has to work as part of the whole creation.

God has given us the freedom in order to continue the creation, to alter it, to recreate what is being created, what is being damaged and make it perfect as God is Perfect. God is the source of all. Man needs to toil, to till the land and to be part of his work. And the wholecity of every individual comes into existence when he tends to participate in the unending creation of the world. Man is not only a social being but he is a working being. Every individual is a worker and every work is an individual, and it is I, myself.

On my last community-encounter, I was assigned in a remote village in Cebu City. A poor family of 10 siblings, which the younger child aged 6-month old while others are on their 1-year old gap. They are living inside a relocation area together with 200 poor families and who are working inside the dumping site of Cebu City. At first, I was thinking how could they make a living with the kind of economic condition and social condition they were facing? There were a lot of notions and questions embarking on my thoughts which added my curiosity to live with them and for my 1-month stay there, I was trying to make it more fruitful and meaningful by living the kind of life they are having.

I was opted to sleep where they slept, to eat what they ate, to drink what they drunk and am not allowed giving money or anything to the family. To buy the basic needs for the family is to work inside the landfill. Every morning, I saw people patiently waiting for the garbage truck to come and with joyful expression, everybody is flocking to the truck the moment it filled the land with garbage. It was like seeing children asking for bread or manna from heaven. If you are late – you will be worn out from blessings, I mean you will not get something from the fill and if you don’t able to get a thing from the fill, you will go hungry and sleep with an empty stomach.

The community’s livelihood surrounds and dependent to the heap of garbage that comes every day. It is very risky and hazardous to one’s health. Even how hard they were trying to work hard everyday but what they've got from the day of hard toil still cannot suffice their daily bread. That is why working is very important to their lives. To them life's purpose of life is to work. This is the common expression which I have heard from them. They consider that life is all about work, work, and work. Their lives became alive because they able to work.

Our calling is to subdue the earth, using all our efforts to fill up what is lacking and to continue what needs to be done. This is our participation of recreating the world in order to have a better world where we could lay down our heads and our children's children home. Some are called to be engineers, teachers, professionals and the like and some are called to be like hoi polloi. Working in the landfill is not an easy task, though it doesn’t needs a diploma or a high degree of education in order to be accepted and to be part of the landfill. All we need and to have is guts. If you can stand amidst smoke and smell of the garbage then you are in, otherwise the place is not for you.

We are called to subdue the earth. This is the bottom line and God created work to be a good thing. This flies into the face of our culture’s view of work. In our culture we are happy if we feel that our work gives us leisure, makes us enjoy, and better than that - if our bosses will give us uplifting rewards through words or expressed-actions. Thus, if our craving is only for leisure we cannot attain the true purpose and meaning of work and oftentimes our work is neglected over leisure. Therefore, there is no way that work will be part of us and we be the work.

Work is an expression of oneself and a way of becoming more human. We tend to work because it is what we are called. We work because we don’t want to live or to increase the stamina of being alive; we work simply because we want to become whole. The objective of work is to let us express our selves and able to let others know what we have in the store and what we have inside not only purely on mere living but to be in the whole community. If we are not careful enough to think what we are doing instead of giving such a good output, we become slaves and thus, this work we have will become god, which pushes us to forget the Most Essential. We must give work the priority as God gives us freedom to do what we want and the will to choose. We must commit ourselves to working hard and to commit ourselves in it to satisfy our most ardent desire.

The outcome of what we are getting into is the best expression of ourselves. Work is I and I is work. The greatest art which we able to produce of being a person is what we produce not how much we produce. The quality of work is dependent on how much time we gave, how much effort we exerted, how much we dedicated ourselves to that certain thing. To work is to give our best and is to give our life. We cannot give our life unless we don’t love the subject or the recipient of that love. We are simply responsible to what we say and to what we do. We should not waste our time, since life is too short, we need to cherish it and to value what it gives to us.